The One Weird Reason You Never See Frogs In The Snow


Dear funny Frog facts: my grandfather says that when he was little, he saw frogs with their tongues stuck on metal in the winter. How come I never saw that?

Benjamin L., Duluth, MN, 8

Dear Benjamin, your grandfather has a good memory! As recently as the 1930s, it was not uncommon to see frogs hanging from railings for their tongues. But through “evolution” (an elegant word that means biological adaptation against God’s will, for generations), they learned to avoid cold metal, and finally, to avoid winter altogether.

Funny Frog facts

Dear funny Frog Facts: So Where Are you going all winter?

Kaitlin H., Laramie, WY

Dear Kaitlin: Froghalla, a kind of purgatory for frogs, where they are neither alive nor dead. Some scientists call this ” hibernation.”


Dear funny Frog facts: my science teacher says frogs are cold-blooded, so their tongues don’t stick to cold metal ever. And that there is no such thing as Froghalla, and frogs sleep in the mud in the winter. And he says you’re a bad man and you tell lies to the kids!

Chris D., Huntsville, AL

Dear Chris, I didn’t want to have to tell you this, but there are some things you need to know. Your “science teacher” may be working for the Russians, and he doesn’t want you to know the truth about frogs. The “mud sleeper” trick is a common cane they use to trick vulnerable children. Just ask yourself: if you slept during the winter in the mud at the bottom of a pond, how would you breathe? They expect you not to trust your own intelligence! They want you to think frogs are ” cold-blooded animals, “a fancy way of saying”heartless killers.””And if there is no Froghalla, where oh where are all the frogs in winter?!

Arm yourself with the truth, Chris, so that the red-blooded American frogs live to see another morning.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *